A Second Chance At Existence
by orchidork
Summary: Edward Cullen is dying of the Spanish influenza when he gets changed by Dr. Cullen. What does he think about life now? rated T just in case. added chapter 4 when Edward becomes rebellious. read and review
1. Chapter 1

**This is the story of when Edward became a vampire. I tried not to make it ooc. If I did, let me know. Read and review**

**Disclaimer – The characters all belong to the great Stephenie Meyer except for the ones I added. So does Twilight, New Moon, and the upcoming Eclipse.**

I could feel my self slipping away, slipping away from life. I knew I was about to die soon. I had no strength left to hold on any longer. As I slept in my bed, I could hear the moans and groans of the dying and I was one of them. As hard as I tried, I wouldn't die. I didn't want to suffer any more because I was tired of it. I was tired of getting ill, tired of watching people suffer. I was finished watching this and I was ready to let go. I was going to die soon and it was inevitable. But I feared death. While I wished that I could die, I feared it. What if it was painful? Could I bear that?

I didn't want to die, not like this. Couldn't they see that I was still breathing? I was too weak to say any thing. I wanted to leave this place. I couldn't take it any more. May be, I would die while I was asleep. It was the most peaceful way to die.

I remembered Mother nursing me from her death bed. She had said nothing about Father. I watched her weep quietly from her bed but when I asked her, she would say that she was fine, that it was the pain that caused her to cry. I knew she wasn't lying, in a way. When she said pain, I knew she had meant physical pain but not the emotional pain that was so much greater. I found out the day after we were admitted in to the hospital that Father had passed away during the night. I was awake when the nurses wheeled his corpse out of the room. I pretended to sleep while Dr. Cullen told Mother about Father. I cried silently like her when I thought no one was watching. But there was always Dr. Cullen who was watching over us. He was a great man but I would never see him again.

I could sense that some thing was going to happen to me soon and I would not enjoy it at all. What else was worse than death, worse than the pain of death? What had we done to deserve such punishment? I had tried to be a selfless person and a gentle man. I had tried not to lie. I suppose I had failed. I could feel death over powering me. Quickly, I tried to think of cheerful thoughts. I would take these memories with me to my after life. I thought about the life I had with my parents when we were all alive. They had given me the happiness no other parent in the world had given their child. I felt euphoric at the memories. I felt like smiling but too weak to do so.

Suddenly, I felt a strong, cold pair of hands lift me off of the bed. I was too tired and worn to open my eyes and see who it was.

"Every thing will be all right. I promise you that, Edward," a quiet, comforting voice whispered in my ear. It sounded vaguely familiar.

I could feel my self being carried away. The groans were dying out slowly. The sound of the pain became muter every second I was moving farther away from the morgue. I wanted to see where this person was taking me. Some one probably realized that I wasn't going to die. I may still have a chance at living life. Before I could open my eyes, I became still and fell asleep.

I woke up feeling a sharp pain at my throat. I yelled in agony. The pain at my throat pulled on me but it became worse when some thing clawed it self in to my wrist. I shrieked and gasped. All I wanted at this moment was death. I wanted to die from this torture. I opened my eyes and tried to see what could possibly cause so much pain, but when I looked, I couldn't see any thing but the darkness that was over powering me. Suddenly, I could see a flame that was close enough to touch. It seemed so tangible, but when I tried to grab at the flame, I could feel nothing. I was being burned. Why couldn't any of the doctors see the fire that was burning me? Couldn't they hear my screams? Why was I being burned? What had I done? These questions swirled around me but I could think of no answer as the agony became more violent.

As I cried out, I tried to distract my self by thinking about my parents. I wondered if Father had felt this way before he had died. I had not seen Mother at all after I had fallen asleep while she talked to Dr. Cullen. May be, I was dead, and she had made it out alive. I would be content if she was still alive.

If I was dead, I suppose this was how purgatory felt. I wanted to get used to the pain since it had lasted for an undecipherable amount of time. Suddenly, the pain started to subside. Was I chosen to go to Heaven? The pain was slowly fading. I must have been ascending up to Heaven. The fire was growing dimmer as if some one had poured water on to it. I could feel my self cooling down.

"Edward?" I heard the calm voice ask. It sounded anxious.

I opened my eyes slowly. When I looked at the face in front of me, I confirmed the fact that I was in Heaven. A beautiful angel was staring at me with a concerned expression in his eyes. I thought I had seen him some where before.

"Dr. Cullen?" I asked. The voice speaking sounded like mine in a way but it was more melodic. Was that how my voice sounded?

"How are you feeling right now?" _He looks so tired and thirsty. His eyes are so red. _

He wasn't speaking but I could hear his voice. May be, I was weak enough to be hallucinating.

"I'm fine, Dr. Cullen. How is my mother? Is she fine?" I wanted to know how my mother was. She would be so happy to see me recovered.

His face turned down and he looked unhappy. "I'm sorry. I tried my hardest but I could not save your mother. Please say you will forgive me." His voice sounded melancholy.

I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come. It wasn't his fault that Mother was dead. Why would he ask for my forgiveness? He had done nothing wrong. "Why should I forgive you? It wasn't as if you killed her. She was destined to die. We all are."

Dr. Cullen's face looked as if it was carved out of stone. His eyes were cautious and wary. For the first time, I noticed that they were made from topaz. Was that possible? Could humans have golden eyes? _I can't believe it. We are destined to die. How ironic. I can't believe I have to tell him the truth about us. _

Again he didn't say any thing but I heard his voice. I decided to ask him about it. "How did you do that?"

He looked confused and said, "Do what?"

"How did you speak with out moving your mouth?"

His eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly in shock. "What did I say?" he asked slowly as if he was choosing his words carefully.

May be, I really was hallucinating. "You said that it was ironic of me to say that we are destined to die. Did I say any thing wrong in that?"

He became adamant and leaned far away from me. I watched as he smoothly walked away to the other side of the room. He leaned against the wall and was as still as a statue. "You can read minds, Edward." It wasn't a question.

"Can I?" I asked in a bemused tone.

"Yes, you can."

"So, once you recover from the Spanish influenza, you get a special power?" This seemed nonsensical.

"Edward, you did not recover from the influenza. You were on the verge of death when I brought you straight to my house." He seemed aggravated and his words flowed quickly. "You were in the morgue with the dying but no one seemed to notice that you were still breathing. There weren't enough people to watch all of the patients. There were so many people dying. Your mother told me to save you and there was no way for me to do that except by changing you."

Changing me? What did he change me in to?

He started to speak slowly now. "Edward, I changed you in to what I am. I am a vampire and so are you. We both are also immortal."

I stared at his face blankly. He was joking with me. There were no such things as vampires. They were only myths in books. I started to laugh. His face softened at the sound of my laughter. "You have a good sense of humor, Dr. Cullen. You lightened my mood. I know you are saying all of this to make me feel better at the fact that you could not save my mother. As I had said before, we are destined to die. I will not forgive you for committing no crime at all. It's not in your power whether we die or not."

"I know that you dying is some thing I can not control, but you have to understand that once I changed you in to a vampire, you became immortal. You will never be able to die. Edward, you are a vampire and this is not a joke. I will prove it to you if I have to. You can read minds because I believe one of your personality traits has strengthened. You were probably very sensitive to people's thoughts with out knowing it."

I gave him an incredulous look and he continued. "I want you to understand that we are not like the stereotypical vampires that are described in books. We are much more different than that. The pain that I inflicted on you was the pain of being converted in to a vampire. I had to bite your neck and your wrist which are your pulse points to get the venom in to your blood system."

"Why did you do this?"

"Edward, when I saw you lying there, it hurt me. You have the face of an angel. You are so good and pure that I acted out of loneliness. I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for your mother. She made the decision for me. I advise you at the moment to think about this. I suppose you have many questions for me and I will answer them when you can comprehend what I have just told you. By the way, please call me Carlisle. " He smiled at me, then. He opened the door and walked out quietly.

I sat on the bed and tried to think about what Carlisle had just explained to me. Was there such a thing in life? Did vampires exist? I suppose that was possible. May be, humans were too stubborn to actually believe that mythical creatures existed. It was an impossibility for them and they did not wish to believe it. It was probably the same for me.

No. I could not believe that. I couldn't be a monster who feasted on human blood. It was absurd for me to believe it. I was becoming insane. I was hallucinating after I heard about Mother's death. But I knew that that wasn't true.

I looked around the room. Every thing seemed so open. There was light in every direction. Didn't vampires live in places where there were coffins? Didn't they sleep at night and come out during the day? Didn't they turn in to a bat? How could Carlisle be at the hospital taking care of patients when he was supposed to be sleeping in a coffin? How could he be a doctor if he was tempted to drink humans' blood? I laughed a hard laugh internally for believing for a second that Carlisle was actually a vampire. He didn't even have fangs.

For the first time, I realized that I was no longer in the hospital. I was in some sort of a room. The curtains in the room weren't drawn so I could see the sun light outside. The bed I was lying in was queen sized. The white sheets on the bed were torn from when I had grabbed at them while I was writhing in pain. There was a peach leather chair next to the bed where Carlisle had sat as he watched me. I noticed a large mirror on the wall in front of me. It was made from dark cherry wood.

I cautiously got up from the bed and walked up to the mirror. I looked at my self and opened my mouth in shock. I looked like how I had before the influenza but some things about me had changed. I looked even paler than before. What looked different about me the most were my eyes. They were no longer green. They were a very burgundy color. My skin was now flawless and my teeth were ultra white. I smiled too much and noticed that I looked frightening. I should be careful of how much I smiled. My skin felt very muscular and hard, as if I was made out of marble. It also felt as if I had been lying in snow. I looked inhumanly beautiful, as if I was trying to lure my prey in with my beauty. I thought vampires didn't have reflections, but how did I look like this? My thoughts became incoherent as I tried to wrap them around the concept.

I didn't hear him enter but he was suddenly there, standing right next to me. _I think he's starting to trust me. I hope he can stay under control. I don't want to see him hurt. Edward has to stay inconspicuous. _"I hope you are starting to believe me. I am not lying to you, Edward."

"How could this be possible? I can't believe it. I am a vampire," I mused.

"I couldn't believe it either when I got changed. I loathed what I had become. This was mainly because vampires feasted on human blood."

I looked at him in disbelief.

_I'm going to communicate with you through my mind, Edward. Is that all right? There are some things that are very hard to say and it would be better if I thought them instead._

I nodded.

_Edward, you don't have to worry about our diet. When I became a vampire, I made the decision that I was not going to drink human blood. I had decided that I was going to feast on animal blood instead. This is why my eyes are not a ruby color. They are gold. I hunt every few days. The longer I wait to eat, the darker my eyes get. If I don't hunt for two weeks, my eyes become jet black. I try not to wait for so long, though. The dark color scares the humans. I hope you are willing to follow my foot steps. I hope you decide not to take human life for your craving. _

"Carlisle, I thought that vampires were incinerated by the sun. I've read that they sleep during the day and go out at night."

"Edward, you can't believe every thing you read in books. They are all just myths." His voice was now a whisper. "We can't sleep at all, actually. We can't cry either and we can't live with out speed." He smiled when he said the last part.

I was going to do what he had told me. He was a good man who trying to make up for some thing that was not his fault.

"Come, let me show you around our house."

"Our?"

"Yours and mine."

I followed him out the door quicker than possible.

"Please be careful when you touch any thing, and try to control your temper."

I laughed. I was known for my temper problems. "Why is that?"

"Newborn vampires are usually very strong and are known for their heated tempers. There's really no point to show you around the house since we are going to move to Ashland, Wisconsin."

"May I know why? Can we not stay in Chicago?"

"I apologize, Edward, but it would look strange if I was seen with a man walking with me who's supposed to be dead. There are a lot of things you need to learn about your self. Don't worry. We'll take it slowly since you have plenty of time to learn. Today, I'll show you how to hunt. You must be very thirsty."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer – All the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. so does Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse**

I was beginning to get tired of this life. I had been a vampire for only three years, and every thing was already tedious. I stayed inside of the house now since I had attacked a human nine months ago. Carlisle forgave me as if nothing ever happened. I was surprised at how much this bothered me. Shouldn't I be punished for committing such a crime?

One day, after that torturous incident, I decided to ask him about this.

"Carlisle, I need to talk to you."

He was in his study, intently thinking about a patient. "What is it that is bothering you, Edward?"

It was strange for me to ask him this, but I knew it would be bothering me until he gave me an explanation. "Carlisle, how could you forgive me so quickly? Don't I deserve to be punished?"

He smiled, as if he had expected me to ask him this. "Edward, no one is perfect. Not even a vampire. In a way, you are still a new born one. I can't expect you to not make a mistake. I can't be a tyrant towards you, Edward. I know it was wrong for you to do this, but I was expecting this to happen sooner or later. It wouldn't be normal for you to resist temptation."

He had told me three years ago that some of our strongest human traits get strengthened once we became a vampire. I knew his had to be compassion. I never met any one like him. He was extraordinary, and I would always look up to him as my father figure.

"Is there some thing that I am not allowed to do as a vampire?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

I raised one eye brow with a questioning look, that wasn't necessary. It was really obvious. "I can't let any one know about my existence."

"Right." He smiled again. He went back to thinking about his patient. _Why did she jump off the cliff? She was a happy child when she was sixteen. _

I replayed that night nine months ago in my head.

Carlisle and I were in the forest hunting at night. I didn't go out in the day time because of the sun. In the sun light, my skin glistened like ten thousand shards of diamonds. It would not have been a good idea to be out at day time. I would cause accidents.

We were very deep in to the forest when I had captured a black bear. I was finished drinking from it but my thirst was not completely satiated. Suddenly, I saw a human hiding behind a tree. He had seen me drinking. His eyes were full of fear as he cowered behind the tree. I felt some thing strange inside of me that was trying to take over, and I let it. My thoughts were very different. I remember telling my self that the weak human could not live after what he had seen. He would tell every one and I could not bear that. I would not let him.

It had started to rain very hard when I had jumped at the victim. He had no time to scream when my teeth bit in to his flesh. It was the most delicious thing that I had ever tasted. It was better than drinking from a bear. I could feel the monster telling me to keep drinking. Why not finish what I had started?

Suddenly, I felt some one tugging on my arm. "Please move." I yelled at Carlisle.

"You need to stop, Edward. You can't do this." He tried pulling me away from the human but I wasn't going to have it. "No, Edward. Don't do this."

I ignored him. The monster inside of me was raging. I had denied my thirst for three years, and when I finally got what I wanted, I couldn't have it. I was covered in dirt and looked like a savage. I wasn't a sensible person any more.

"You've disappointed me." He whispered this but I heard him clearly.

I turned around and looked at the face of Carlisle. He looked unhappy.

I shoved past him and mumbled, "I'm sorry." My voice was full of regret.

I sprinted as far as I could from Carlisle. I couldn't believe I had done the one thing that I never thought I would do. I had killed an innocent human with out even reading his thoughts. I felt the guilt taking over me. I had disappointed Carlisle. I had found a new part of me that I never knew existed. I was a monster and I could do nothing about it. I could still feel the taste at the tip of my tongue. If I could, I would cry, and I would try very hard not to bring out the monster in me in the future.

The next day, when I returned home, I tried to avoid Carlisle as much as possible, but he was always there watching me. I saw a look of concern on his face. He wasn't happy with me and what made matters worse was that he had been stressed with work. He forgave me as if what I had committed was nothing at all. I was surprised at how much this bothered me.

I had started to believe that I was doomed to a life of night. I was an immortal vampire. It would not matter if I existed. What was the point of my existence? I would never go to Heaven whether I killed or not. It would not matter because there was no after life for me. If only I could kill my self, I would, but that was not possible for my kind. I would try very hard to be good, but in the end, it wouldn't matter. After that incident, I knew that my soul was gone after I became the monster that I was. With out a soul, there is no after life. I could not be judged by my actions.

I shuddered as I let my thoughts return to the present time. The monster inside of me told me to kill. It was pointless of me to try to be good. Whether I was bad or good didn't matter because I was doomed, no matter what. I pushed these thoughts away as soon as they came. The only thing that stopped me from doing what the monster told me to do was Carlisle.


	3. Chapter 3

**thanks every one for the great reviews. keep on reading and reviewing and don't forget to criticize. this chapter is about when Esme becomes a vampire.**

**Disclaimer – all the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. nothing belongs to me.**

_May be I should just bring her home. She's clearly dying and I think Edward will enjoy her presence here very much._ Carlisle had been thinking about his patient very intently, lately. He knew that I could here every thing but I respectfully didn't say any thing.

I didn't understand why this patient was bothering him so much. Who was she to him? Did he get close to her as he had done to me? That was probable since Carlisle was a great man.

I gathered my text books for school. School was monotony. I wanted nothing more but to stay at home and play my piano. In their will, my parents had given me our estate and I had a chance to claim money. I would have no problems with expenses.

As I sat in my car, I thought about how I was going to try very hard not to correct the school teachers. I had plenty of time to study school courses during my first year as an immortal and since I was a vampire, my memories would never fade. I would have to learn every thing once and I would never forget it again.

After that calamitous incident, I thought I would have difficulty going to school with humans, but the outcome was reversed. I told my self that I was a vampire whose goal was to save human life. I also knew that vampires who feasted on human blood were alone. I could not imagine my existence with out Carlisle and the new woman who was going to be brought in to our house.

When we moved to Ashland, I became the younger brother of Carlisle's deceased wife, even though he had never been married.

As I parked the car in to the parking lot, I could hear the absurd thoughts of the students.

_Here comes the perfect Masen._

_Could any one look any more handsome?_

_May be I should ask him if he wants to go to the boys baseball game with us._

I stopped as I heard the word baseball. In my opinion, it was the best sport that ever existed. I had to give the humans credit for this game. I used to play it so much, but now, I had no time.

No. It wouldn't be very entertaining to play with the humans. I wouldn't be able to use all of my strength.

I was playing the role of a senior at high school. I had managed to get all of my credits, so I only took three classes and went to a forest afterward. I sighed as I thought about Carlisle and Esme. They were going to get married soon. After he had changed her, they both had become very close. I had tried to stay away from the house as often as I could. They needed their privacy. They were always talking to each other and I felt that I shouldn't be around.

Usually, when I went to a forest, I would hunt and then read a book. I was currently reading _Romeo and Juliet _under the shade of a tree. I stopped at the part where Balthasar was telling Romeo that Juliet was dead, and thought about the first few days with Esme in our family.

I was finished with my classes and was returning home. As I entered the house, I heard Carlisle's car park in the drive way. As I opened the door to see why he had returned early, I saw a beautiful woman in his arms. She was unconscious. I had seen her in his thoughts. She had caramel hair and was small. Her face was heard shaped and seraphic.

"Please open the door for us, Edward," Carlisle said as he carried her in to the house.

I obeyed with out replying. He laid her on the sofa. I knew what he was about to do but I decided to watch. I stood leaning against the white wall with my arms folded across my chest and my feet crossed.

Carlisle didn't say any thing. He half smiled at me and then bit the unconscious woman on the neck and her wrists. As soon as she did this, she started to shriek. I watched with wide eyes. This was how I was changed. I could still feel the pain as I watched her. She didn't open her eyes, but I knew that she could see the fire.

I felt sympathetic towards the woman but I could no longer be in the room. I headed out to my piano. I tried to drown out her screams with my piano but they were too clear. This was the first time I felt that I was at a disadvantage at having perfect hearing. I couldn't talk to Carlisle. He was trying to comfort her.

Once, I saw her open her eyes. When she saw Carlisle's face, she smiled even in all the pain. She looked relieved.

I had to endure this for three days. On the fourth day, when I returned home from school, I saw the woman looking at my music scripts.

"You play beautifully," she complimented as she looked at me and smiled. She sounded very shy.

"Thanks. I don't mean to sound rude but I was just wondering who you were."

"My name is Esme Anne Platt Evenson."

"How did you know Carlisle?"

"It's a long story. Do you want to hear it?"

"Sure. Please continue."

She smiled at me again. _What a nice man. He knows how to use manners. If only there were more people like him and Dr. Cullen._

I had no doubt that she enjoyed Carlisle a lot.

"I met Dr. Cullen when I was sixteen years old. He had treated me when I had broken my leg from falling off of a tree I had climbed. He was quite the gentle man and I had never quite forgotten him."

I agreed with her completely. Who could ever forget a man such as Carlisle?

I nodded and gave her an encouraging smile to continue.

"When I turned twenty – two years old, I married a man named Charles Evenson. After marrying him, I realized that I had made the worst decision of my life. He went to fight in the World War since he was drafted. After he returned home, I found out that I was expecting a child. I couldn't have a child brought in to his home, so I decided to escape. I pretended to be one of the war widows and taught at a school outside of this town."

I felt very sorry for Esme. She had been through a horrible married life. No one deserved that.

"Shortly after I gave birth to my son, he died of an infection in his lungs. I had nothing to live for and decided that there was no reason for me to live. I jumped off of a cliff and was saved by Dr. Cullen."

I watched her carefully. "I'm sorry for your loss. No one deserves that much pain."

"Thank you, Edward."

I decided to ask her a question that was ready to escape. "Esme, do you know what you are?" I asked her cautiously.

Before she could answer, Carlisle entered in to the room. "How are you feeling, Esme?"

"Fine. Thank you, Dr. Cullen. If you don't mind me asking, what was the pain I felt?"

"Esme, I couldn't watch you die. Because of this, I decided to change you in to what I am."

I walked out of the room to give them privacy as he explained to her that she was a vampire.

A new member was added to our family. I had to admit, she was a nice person.

I looked around the forest. No one was better for Carlisle than Esme. I couldn't imagine two better parents. Esme would become Esme Cullen and I would be her younger brother. I sighed as I thought about the fact that we would have to move again. Carlisle was my father already even if we told people that I was his brother in law but Esme was like my mother as well. She took care of me as if I was a little boy.

I stood up from my place and took my book back to the car. I smiled as I drove home and heard the thoughts of Carlisle and Esme visualizing their wedding become clearer. They were soul mates. I smiled wider.


	4. Chapter 4

**I know this is a short chapter and i haven't updated in a few days. I will be updating very soon with a longer chapter. read and review**

**Disclaimer – all the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and so do the books.**

Carlisle and Esme had been married for six years now. Since they were content with each other, I tried to stay out as much as I could and spent those times trying to make up new compositions. Esme some times had a dilemma with the way we had chosen our diet. It was difficult for her to control her thirst but every mistake she made was forgiven because she was a loving woman.

Carlisle had created me ten years ago and I was ready to defy him. After my first incident with a human, I tried very hard to explain to my self that taking human life was not justified. But it was my existence. Wasn't I supposed to make my own decisions? I knew Carlisle was a great man but I resented him for controlling my diet. I knew why he made him self thirst for animals and I was set against his reason.

He contemplated that taking away the lives of humans would not give him the chance to live in a good after life. He did this to keep his soul pure. But what would be the point to live weakly and not satiate my thirst if I didn't have a soul? I could be a monster or I could be an angel and it would not matter at all because there is no after life for our kind. If we were doomed to an existence of night, there was no chance of us having souls.

I was not human and I saw no reason to act like one because I was tired of it. I knew that I could not risk exposure but if I used my strength and knowledge, I would lead the life I was seeking.

I had made my decision that I would leave Carlisle and Esme and start my way of existence. I would be rebellious. I would try very hard not to kill an innocent human. I would only shadow those that were as human as I was. I would hunt the evil.

I had hunted earlier that day and decided that I would leave when Carlisle and Esme went hunting. I would not be able to face them. Instead, I wrote them a letter.

_My dear family, Carlisle and Esme,_

_I apologize for what I am about to do. I know I will be disappointing both of you for saying that I can not be with you for curbing my diet. Carlisle, I know you do it because you have faith. You believe that you have a soul but I do not. I see no reason for me to continue my existence like that when I would have no after life no matter what my deeds are. I will read the minds of my victims and will only hunt those that are evil. Please take care of your selves._

_Edward_

I was ready to leave but I felt nervous and guilty for betraying them. No. I couldn't think that way. I was going to try a new way of life. Humans were supposed to be my prey. They were a vampire's natural diet, and it wasn't as if I had chosen this existence for my self.

I headed out side and in to my car. It was thunder storming outside and the rain would not stop. It reflected my mood perfectly. I had no earthly idea where I was going as I moved farther away from humanity.


End file.
